Let your people have their breakthroughs

Alexia Coaching, Happiness, Public Speaking Comments

One of my favorite lines in my Step into Your Moxie keynote is, “We teach what we have to learn. And remember.” I believe that most transformational speakers and entrepreneurs have been called to their work, and are sharing a message, that intimately relates to a lesson they have had to learn (sometimes over and over again).

And this is a good thing!

It took me years to step into my moxie – so I show other people how to listen to their voices and speak with confidence and clarity.

I have multiple clients who had disordered eating – so they empower their clients to eat mindfully and love their bodies.

And I bet whatever your story is, it’s informing how you serve in the world.

It’s much easier to accept that life is happening for us rather than to us when we know what we are breathing and bulldozing through can be a part of how we serve others through our businesses, presentations and civic work.

However, it is a very different thing when we default to trying to save other people (i.e., audience members, clients, family members) from their own learning.

I used to be dangerously attached to my clients hearing one of my aha’s and then avoiding the kinds of situations that gave birth to my deepest sorrows (and ultimately, greatest learnings). As a result, I depleted myself by worrying about my clients, self-flagellating myself when they repeated mistakes I had made, or didn’t experience transformation on the timeline I had in my head for them.

As a speaker and service-driven business leader you want to squeeze all of the aha’s from your stories to prompt discovery for your peeps – and then you want to trust that your peeps are going to be a-okay on their path.

Similarly, if you are a parent (and those of us in the self-improvement and counseling space are particularly guilty of this), you want to let your children have their own breakdowns and their own breakthroughs. In their own time.

Over the last few weeks I’ve had multiple clients come to me with the same epiphany – I’m trying to save (or protect) a younger version of myself through the work I’m doing in the world (or with my children). (So if it feels like I’m talking to you, I probably am. But know that you are in the company of some other beautiful, over giving, and therefore depleted leaders!)

Is this resonating with you?

I’d love to hear what drew you to the work you do to help others. Origin stories are totally my jam right now! And, if you realize that at times you may be trying to save others through your work (when what you really want to do is empower them), how can you unhook your worthiness from other people’s outcomes?

Let’s continue the conversation in the comments to this post!