good girl

Why being “good” may be anything but

AlexiaCareer Advice, Coaching, Happiness, Leadership, Women's Issues, Work-Life Balance

F*ck. F*ck. F*ck. F*ck. F*ck.

“What did you say, sweetie?” I asked, hoping I’d heard my daughter incorrectly.  

And then she said it again.

And again.


After I put my eyes back into my sockets, unclenched my jaw and remembered how to breathe, my immediate next thought was, I’m a horrible mother.

I knew my daughter had learned the F-bomb from me. I’d used it many times in a row after I spilled on the ground a full dinner I’d spent over an hour preparing several weeks earlier.

Obviously, like any toddler, she had noticed and was now modeling my behavior.

While my daughter and I talked, and as I took responsibility for my naughty language and explained why neither of us should be using it, the self-flagellation continued.

I’m not patient enough.

I am spending too much time behind my computer screen.

I haven’t hit the yoga mat in 3 weeks…I can feel my abs getting mushy.

I have very high expectations for myself. And equally high expectations for my performance.

As a speaker.

Business owner.


And most of all, mother.

If I’m not careful, I forget about taking time for myself, get loosey goosey with my professional boundaries, don’t ask for help and second-guess my decisions.

I am a recovering and at times, like during my daughter’s F-bomb frenzy, relapsing good girl.

And when I don’t tame these tendencies, not only do I revert back into self-defeating habits like the ones I just mentioned, the impact is:

  • I don’t see opportunities within obstacles I’m encountering.
  • I get cranky – at times even nasty.
  • I don’t achieve revenue goals.
  • My presentations and trainings go from epic to… meh. (Audiences always feel when I’m trying too hard to please.)
  • I get sick. (And not just upper respiratory infection sick. I mean anxious, digestive disorder, postpartum depression sick.)

One of the women in my Spotlight Speakers Collective, Jean Haynes, specializes in empowering high achieving women to become the most powerful and confident version of themselves by kicking self-sabotaging good girl beliefs and habits to the curb to make more space for themselves…and ultimately true, sustainable success.

It’s so much fun working with clients who remind me of the work I need to be doing!

Jean has created a quiz to give women like me (and perhaps you?) an opportunity to tell the truth about our good girl tendencies and illuminate how we can better show up for ourselves, and consequently, the people in our professional and personal lives.

It has been a joy watching Jean create this quiz – and seeing the aha’s it’s prompted for those who’ve taken it.

Take the Good Girl Quiz yourself here.

I promise… it is well worth a few minutes of your time!